So, my wife and I decided to give this P90x thing a try. We finished day 3 yesterday. I think I can safely file this decision in the “overly optimistic” category (like the time I said “yes” to dodge ball with middle schoolers…but that’s another story). Here’s my brief synopsis of the experience thus far:
Day 1: We decided to start with the plyometrics disc. Tony (the leader-whom I have officially declared to be my arch-enemy) pointed out that one of the guys on the video had a prosthetic leg. Assumption: how hard could it be if a one legged man could do it? Stupid assumption. I collapsed around 40 minutes into it. I was no longer the boss of my own legs. I realize that the following sentence isn’t exactly politically correct; but, I don’t care. I hate that jolly one legged man.
Day 2: I decided to go with the “chest and back” disc as my legs felt like jello and were barely functional. My wife was initially opposed to this disc because she wanted to avoid getting a muscled-up “man back” (as she so eloquently put it). I assured her that this wouldn’t happen to her…and warned her that it might not happen to me either. Apparently each workout includes a “warm up”. This “warm up” included things called jump-lunges. I hate Tony. As for the rest of the workout….I, again, ended up sprawled on the floor-like a dead man-after semi-completing countless push-ups. Pain. So much pain. Not only am I unable to walk like a normal human, I am now unable to lift my arms to floss my teeth.
Day 3: I sifted through the discs and found a disc titled “Yoga”. YES. This one had to be easy. I knew a fat guy in college who took a yoga class to meet women (didn’t work). Assumption: if he could do it, surely I could also. Horrible assumption. Apparently all yoga is not the same as P90x yoga. It’s as if the P90x trainers thought to themselves: “By now, the people who are stupid enough to do our program probably have ridiculously sore legs, arms, and shoulders. I wonder how we can intensify that pain until our participants cry…….OH, I KNOW! Let’s make them do 90 minutes of yoga!” I did something called a “downward dog” until my soul hurt. Realization 1: I am not flexible at all. AT ALL. Realization 2: Yoga is not what I thought it was (a style of peaceful, calming stretching and breathing). Yoga is not peaceful at all. Yoga is designed to punish you for not being flexible. I hate yoga. I hate Tony.
I’ll admit, before beginning P90x, the thought crossed my mind: “the wife might be impressed with my strength & athleticism”. Wrong. Unless, of course, shouting various insults at the tv whilst lying motionless on the floor is “impressive”. P3x down. P87x to go. Bring it on.
Oh, in case you were wondering, this post is tagged under “religion” because P90x almost caused a premature meeting with Jesus.
*update: just for kicks I added this post as a review on amazon.com here: My P90x review