Yesterday, I gave you “5 ways to get me to read your blog“. I’m sure that many of you were thinking, “This guy is kind of weird. I don’t actually want him reading my blog.” Good news! Today’s post is 5 ways to get me to avoid your blog. Actually, if you do the opposite of the things on yesterday’s post, you will have 10 ways to get me to avoid your blog.
1. Don’t use photos. Photos help break up the text. A photo is like a visually descriptive bullet point. I like bullet points. I’m a sucker for cool pictures…and bullet points.
2. Be liberal with the number of photos you post as well as the size of the photos you post. I don’t like a life-size face staring at me on the computer screen. Not only does it take forever to load, it creeps me out. Also, I don’t like scrolling through 100 photos of your feet overlooking various beaches.
3. Make your blog layout Myspace-esque. Back in the day I had a myspace account. Oh, to be young and stupid. Every time that I visited that site I felt like I was stepping back into high school and walking into my rebellious gothic friend’s bedroom. Too many blinking things. Too many neon lights. Too much creepiness. Use lots of animated graphics, scrolling text, and the like.
4. Use improper grammar. Use “your” in place of “you’re”, “whose” in place of “who’s”, “there” in place of “their”. In fact, just copy and paste the following sentence into a future blog post: “You’re writing is sooo awesome that, like, my friend’s told all there friends about it.”
5. Slander people by name. Bonus points: add a blinking, rotating gif of a cross or ichthus to the top of your post. One of my pet peeves (aside from my inexplicable disdain of the word “peeve”) of the social networking world is when I’m stalking someone on facebook; and, I see the following status updates back-to-back:
10:00am: “Lord, please give me wisdom, peace, and encouragement today” – 17 Likes
10:05am: “**Expletive**, Nancy Pelosi is a crazy, ** obscenity**, two-faced….” – 87 Likes
Again, if you want me to avoid your blog, write stuff like that. It makes me sad for humanity. So, hope that helps.
Oh, you could probably do the opposite of these things if you want me to read your blog. So there you have it. 10 ways to get me to read or not read your blog.