It’s been awhile since I’ve told a kid story. So, here are 2:

1. Snail Toots: I came home one day and my kids were playing outside with some snails. They had set up a nice little upscale snail community. I noticed that one of the snails had been separated from the rest of the community.

4y/o: “That snail is dead.”
6y/o: “No it’s not. It’s alive!”
4y/o: “How can you tell?”
6y/o: “I just heard a snail toot!”
4y/o (blushing): “That wasn’t the snail.”

2. Couch Peanut: I was minding my own business watching some football when I looked over to see my 3y/o daughter eating a peanut. I was confused because we hadn’t bought peanuts in a couple months.

Me: “Where did you get that peanut?”
3y/o: “From under the couch.”
Me: “GROSS! Don’t eat things from under the couch!”
3y/o: “But I got all the hairs off of it.”

Kids are awesome.