Tax free weekend is coming up this weekend. You know what that means. Back-to-school shopping procrastinators are simultaneously rewarded with 8% savings and punished with retail’s version of the tribulation.

Here are 5 tips for you brave souls who are planning on venturing out into the retail pandemonium this weekend:

1. Man up.

Don’t be fooled by that sweet little old lady with whom you chatted in line at Target. If you both reach for the last remaining bargain-priced backpack, she’ll have no qualms about kicking you in the shins as she burns holes into your soul with her eyes. Just try to touch that backpack. A wrinkled, arthritic fist will meet your face.

Bargain shoppers are crazy. Prepare to fight through a gauntlet of crazed tax-free rioters who are prepared to upend all social norms in order to save 8%. You must become one of them to succeed. God speed.

2. Know the rules.

Not everything is “tax free” this weekend. Here’s the breakdown of what is and what isn’t: http://window.state.tx.us/taxinfo/taxpubs/tx98_490/tx98_490.html. Also, even if an item is on the list, it must be below $100 in order to be tax free.

3. Check the newspaper (fyi…a “newspaper” is a paper report of all the important things that happened on twitter in the past; and, it has coupons. I think you can purchase them at convenience stores and probably at Walmart.)

No, 8% isn’t that great of a discount. Normally, people wouldn’t flock to stores for an 8% off sale. However, if you can add that discount to a 20+% coupon, JACKPOT! Check your newspapers.

Tip: I’ve heard that stores often mark down items substantially in order to get them under the $100 tax free limit. Watch for items priced near $100. They might be great bargains. Or not. But maybe.

4. Make a list of the stuff you need. Stick to said list.

Get ready. Whilst shopping tax free weekend you will be wading through a sea of retail temptation designed to entice you to buy other cool stuff that you don’t need. The stores at which you will be shopping have put millions of dollars into researching ways to convince you to stray from your list. You know that discounted product of which they only had 2 in the whole store….and that other product that’s similar to the discounted product but costs $10 more and of which they have 100? That’s no coincidence. Stick to your list.

5. Make a budget. Stick to said budget.

Make a budget based off of your list. Go to the bank. Withdraw the exact amount of cash that you’ve budgeted. Leave your 18 store credit cards at home. Take only the cash. A crazy, miraculous, counter-cultural thing will happen to you: you’ll only spend money that you had pre-budgeted to spend. Spending 18% interest on the store credit card in order to save 8% on taxes is not a great financial move.

I hope that you find my tips helpful. Happy shopping! Or, if you’re like me, happy 1 month anniversary of not procrastinating on back-to-school shopping. Enjoy a peaceful weekend.