Attention all you haters out there: Yes, I love Black Friday. Is it stupid to wait in line for 3 hours to save $20 on a muffin maker that I didn’t really need to buy in the first place? Yes. I don’t care. Black Friday is the #2 people-watching event of the year (#3 if your city hosts a county fair). That’s what it’s all about, really. I’m betting that most of you know the ins and outs of Black Friday; but, here are a few ideas for you Black Friday rookies out there:

1.) Game Plan

Go here: or here: to view ad scans online.

If you’re looking for a specific item, go here: and click on the relevant category. Plan your route of attack accordingly.

2.) Dress Code

Dress in layers. You’re going to be outside where it’s cold. A lot. You’re going to be stuck inside waiting in line amongst a mass of humanity where it’s blazing hot. A lot. Dress accordingly.

Also, wear something festive…like a Santa hat. Tensions run high on Black Friday. The highly caffeinated, sleep-deprived, bargain-hungry, capitalistic zombies of Black Friday are many. And they are vengeful. However, they are less likely to destroy someone who looks like Santa.

3.) Phone

Charge your phone before you head out. You may want to take some pictures of the madness and post them to Twitter or Facebook so that you can increase your e-popularity. You may want to check Facebook a gazillion times whilst waiting in line for all eternity. You may need to call the cops in the event that you accidentally rile up an angry mob. In any case, you’ll need a lot of battery power.

4.) Get on Twitter

If you’re on Twitter, follow hashtag #BlackFriday to see what’s up across the country. Twitter people are hilarious. Also, I’ll probably be live-tweeting my Black Friday adventure. Feel free to follow me here: and prepare yourself for exciting tweets like, “still waiting in line”, and, “sooooo sleepy. Need a nap.”

Happy shopping, everyone!

Oh, and if you’re wondering what event I deemed the #1 people-watching event of the year: that would be Walmart on Halloween.